wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your penis caused this!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
