If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Found your dick twin last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
