soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
