Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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