I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
