I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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