What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize