You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
