if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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