needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
