my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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