a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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