just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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