The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
