here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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