True but thats because hes a fetus.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
