A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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