4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
