i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
