remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
