I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
