When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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