i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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