If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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