honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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