The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
