i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
