You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
