When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
