Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
