I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i think i just lost a toe
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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