What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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