Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
