Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
