Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
