I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this will be a night to untag.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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