I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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