hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
