carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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