so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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