operation harelip BJ is a go
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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