i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
