things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
