She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
