I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
