god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
