Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
