I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
