Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Randomize