We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
