Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
