I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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