Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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