It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
