Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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