sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
