youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
