i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
