drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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