Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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