I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
