i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
