i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
one might say we're banned from that church
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
