I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
