I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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