There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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