Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
