The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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