dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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