are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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